Five years ago I set out on a journey. On January 18, 2013, I hit “publish” on my very first post. I opened up my words, my world and my soul for all to see.
In that moment, I didn’t really have any sort of expectations. I had a reason for starting a blog, but I certainly didn’t have a plan.
I knew from the start writing would be an outlet for me. I knew what I wanted to do but I had no idea what I wanted to achieve.
Which makes sitting here five years later all the more amazing.
I started as just a mommy trying to find my way through the world. It started with just a few friends checking in each day as I wrote about my daily mommying experiences and adventures.
Over time, things have grown steadily, though slowly. I’ve learned about what it takes to “make it.” I’ve put in countless hours and unquantifiable energy to make this place wonderful.
It has grown into a place where I can share not only my feelings and experiences but offer advice and camaraderie to other mommies living this crazy life.
And while I have no idea what the future holds, or where I hope to take this in next five years (or 5 minutes, even), I do know that it’s not going anywhere.
I’m not giving up. I’m not shutting down.
I’ve put too much of myself into these past five years and I can not imagine my life without all the wonderful things being here brings.
This journey has not always been easy, though. It has been fraught with doubt and frustration and wondering “why?!”
I’ve learned to walk a fine line between sharing and over-sharing. Between telling my stories and protecting my children.
I’ve always been wildly protective of my family. Of their experiences, their feelings, their privacy. I will not pick them apart, put them down or destroy who they are.
My head constantly swims with words, eager to rush out of me. But the stories inside me are not always mine alone to share.
There are times when the things I want to say are not for public viewing. When all the things I want to scream from the rooftops must be kept, instead, whispering inside me.
The past 5 years (5 months, 5 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 5 minutes…) have not been without joy and happiness, nor have they been without pain and anguish.
Sometimes all those feelings come out in my writing, in what I share with the world. And other times I choose to keep those feelings, moments, words to myself.
For five years, this has been a safe space for me. It has been a place where I can always return “home” to.
Just like my family, I have been wildly protective of this space. I am careful what I put out there and who I let in. I have felt immense pride and achievement throughout this journey but I have also opened myself up to hate and hurt.