More than a decade and a half ago, I met a guy.
It was my first week of college and my only friend (who I met on the way to orientation after she fell down the stairs) and I had wandered onto one of the fraternity halls (our small university didn’t have Greek houses, each fraternity and sorority had its own area of one of the dormitories). She was much more outgoing than me and had already met tons of people and that night we went to hang out with one of those people.
As we sat in the fraternity’s chapter room, there was a flurry of guys coming in and out, each saying “hi” or introducing themselves. But there was this one that stuck out in my memory. He was tall, and quiet and had a nice smile. He quickly sputtered out his name with a little wave and then was gone.
Over the next few weeks, we saw more of each other at various fraternity events and around campus. He was sweet and reserved and undeniably awkward, but I loved spending time with him. And we hung out more together over time, went on a few dates and watched the sunrise at the beach.
But, there was also this other guy. He was a southern gentleman, charming and smooth. He was my “type” and everything I ever thought I wanted.
Until I had to make a choice. I knew I couldn’t drag both along and, besides, I’m not the type to be able to juggle two guys. The other guy was what I always thought was my “perfect.” But, somehow, I couldn’t get the first guy off my mind. I couldn’t really understand or explain why, but I felt safe and comfortable with him in a new and exciting way.
So, sixteen years ago today, that guy and I decided to give it a go. We decided to just do the “us” thing and not anyone else thing.
I made the choice that day to give him my everything, and I’ve continued to make the same choice ever since. Over the past sixteen years, we’ve grown and changed and tried to give each other everything, even when it didn’t seem like nearly enough.
We’ve certainly had our ups and downs. It hasn’t always been easy, and we’ve made a ton of mistakes through this journey. There have been times when we’ve each wondered if this was the right thing. We’ve both said and done things that we desperately wish we could take back. Yet, we’ve always returned to this place and continually chosen each other over all these years.
For me, he is still that safe feeling that I didn’t really understand so long ago. And there are still some days when I can’t explain why I love him so much. But no matter how mad or upset I am, even if it is because of him, all I want is to be close to him. To feel his warmth and how perfectly he fits wrapped up in my arms, with my head nestled just right into his neck.
So many years ago, I chose this man. I chose to walk through the good times and the bad with him by my side. And I can’t imagine ever doing this life without him.
