To the Super-Outgoing Mom,
It seems like you’re everywhere I go lately. From the homeschool group at the park to the fast food restaurant where I take the kids so I could have a break and even at the airport. Everywhere I go with my children, there you are.
You’re always the first to say hello and start a conversation. You have a lot of energy and a lot to say, you never seem to stop talking. We engage in small talk: how old our kids are, their personalities and tendencies and usually the conversation turns to some parenting topic (homeschooling, birth, extracurricular activities, breastfeeding). You’re desperate to make a connection and continue the conversation even as it turns awkward.
It’s not that I don’t like you, I mean I don’t even know you, but really the problem is that I don’t know how to interact with you. See, I’m not like you and I just don’t really understand you.
I’m super friendly and will smile at anyone which is probably why you struck up a conversation in the first place. But that’s so not my style, a smile is as far as I will go on my own. I’m not one to start a conversation with a total stranger so when you take the initiative, I’m happy to chat. But as the conversation naturally fizzles out and you desperately try to keep it going, I get uncomfortable and I’m not sure what to do or say.
And I can’t force connections that aren’t there. I can get along with pretty much anyone and hate to be rude, but sometimes you’re just too much for me, super-outgoing mom. Sometimes it’s just not friends at first sight no matter how desperately you try to make it happen.
But other times I just need time for a relationship to develop. I don’t really have an interest in putting myself out there for someone I’m never going to see again. But know, if I see you again and again over time, I will become more comfortable and start to open up.
I always try to be nice, I hate to be rude. I will answer your questions, though often with short, direct answers. It’s not because I don’t want to talk to you but more because I don’t know how to talk to you as you push the conversation into the awkward zone.
I need things to feel natural, easy and organic. I don’t do well when things feel forced and uncomfortable, I’m just not one for small talk. I hate small talk almost as much as I hate busy work and I avoid both at all costs!
Just ask my friends and family, we have plenty of awkward silences while I wait for the conversation to develop naturally. I can do awkward silence, I can’t do awkward conversation.
So next time you see me at the park, sitting on a bench by myself (because I’m not one to follow my kids around and because it’s the only “free time” I get in a day), I hope you’ll still chat with me if you want to. But know that it might be awkward for me and that might make it awkward for you but I’m doing the best I’m comfortable with.
And if the awkward silences become too much for you and you feel the need wander away to “help” your child or chat with another mommy, it’s cool. No hard feelings here, maybe next time.
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This post struck a chord with me, I can relate so much I’m awful at making conversation even if I would really love to get to know that person I wont put myself out there to do it! Fab post x
I’m the same, Anna, and I think it sometimes makes us come off as stand-offish or snooty when really we’re just a little bit socially awkward!
I love that you shared this!
I’m that mom, and I often feel as though the other person just isn’t interested in developing a conversation with me. I understand that we all have busy lives, so I always get the feeling the other mom (you) is distant because they feel as though they have to “escape” from the conversation and head back to their daily routine.
Fatima, I always love hearing other perspectives! I can see how we (the introverts) can seem distant but really it’s just us being uncomfortable with new social situations. I personally am most comfortable when I can talk about my kids or parenting experience because it’s something I’m confident about. It never hurts with me to break the ice with a simple “how old is/are your kid(s)?” It’s a simple way to ease into conversation about similarities/differences!