Babies: They seem innocent enough. They’re these cute little cuddly things, full of love. And fluids. And they need a lot of attention and just when you think you’ve got them figured out, they hit a growth spurt, get sick or start teething.
Life with a baby never goes quite how you expect and is full of surprises, like these Murphy’s Laws of Newborns; things that your baby is guaranteed to do based on your (obviously wrong) assumptions and actions:
If you shower, the baby will spit up on you.
If you start something “because the baby is sleeping,” the baby will wake up.
If you put baby in a special outfit, his/her diaper will leak.
If you use cloth diapers, baby will poo as soon as you finish a diaper wash.
If you get dressed up to go out, baby will drool all over your shoulder.
If you put makeup on, baby will make you cry (happy tears, of course!)
If you stay up late, baby will wake up early.
If you “won’t be gone long enough for baby to need a bottle,” baby will be hungry the second you leave.
If you put on dangly earrings, baby will suddenly learn to grab, grasp and pull.
If your dinner is ready, baby will be hungry, too.
If you give baby a bath, baby will projectile vomit everywhere.
If you make plans to go out and leave baby home, baby will get sick.
If you’re running late, baby will poo.
If you’re tired, baby won’t be.
If you have something timely to get done, baby will want your full attention.
What would you add to the list?
I have a three month old and all of these are so true. I especially love the one about bring hungry when you sit down to eat… Every time!
Four babies in and seriously, EVERY SINGLE TIME! No matter how hard I try to plan ahead and schedule cooking/feeding baby to avoid it, he always ends up on my lap!