Seriously, when did motherhood and wine become so synonymous? When did motherhood become so unbearable that we can no longer survive the day without wine? When did it become socially acceptable to declare our lives so difficult as mommies that we need alcohol to get through it?
I feel like I missed something. Maybe it’s because I’ve spent a large portion of the past 7 1/2 years pregnant and the rest of it breastfeeding. Maybe it’s because those 7 1/2 years account for over 70% of the time I’ve been of legal drinking age (whoa! now that’s a statistic for you!) Maybe it’s because I don’t really like wine (give me a beer any day!) Maybe it’s because I’ve never been a big drinker. Or maybe it’s because I’m that weird mother that doesn’t find motherhood that terrible.
But the truth of it is, a lot of mommies seem to rely on wine to survive their children. Or at least they think it’s cool to joke about it because everywhere I look these days there are memes and statements and Facebook posts about motherhood and wine.
I noticed the trend when we were still in Dublin. After hubby was away for 13 days straight when Sugarplum was just a few months old and in her inconsolable crying stage and I confided in friends that it was a really hard time for me. And they all piped up “you should have let us know, we would have come to sit with you after the kids were in bed. And brought the wine!” I chuckled and didn’t think much of it at the time but then the references kept coming and they became more frequent and now it seems no conversation about the struggles of motherhood can exist without a reference to wine.
I’m not saying mommies should never drink. Trust me, when there is not a baby taking up residence in my abdomen I enjoy a cold beer and, yes, even a glass of wine on occasion. But it’s not every day. And it’s usually only with dinner, I don’t sit around drinking wine on the couch after my kids are in bed (I’m waaaaaay too tired for that!)
And I’m definitely not judging the mommies who post these messages and images. I can’t say I’m completely innocent of ever sharing motherhood and wine references. I’m just to the point of wondering why? and how? and what impact is this going to have on our children?
I’ve seen these images and messages that focus on children knowing their mommies need wine. Sure, young children don’t know what it’s all about. My girls know that wine, beer and other drinks have alcohol in them (they cutely refer to it as “booze”) and we’ve discussed the dangers of too much alcohol. But I can’t say they’ve ever witnessed an actual drunk person or the negative ramifications of drinking too much (except that one time on the Dublin city bus). But I also know as they grow, these things will become more apparent to them and they will start to notice. And I don’t want my kids associating me with these behaviors.
Firstly, I don’t want them to think that drinking and being drunk it okay. Because really, it’s not. It’s not okay when you’re in high school. It’s not okay when you’re in college. And it’s certainly not okay when you’re an adult and especially a parent. Do we all over indulge at times? Sure, we’re all human after all. I’ve found myself in a tipsy stage on a few occasions since becoming a mommy, but I try not to let my children see it.
But more importantly, I don’t want them to start thinking that they are so horrible I have to drink them away. There is a lot of social stigma around why people drink and the phrase “drinking their worries away” is often heard. We, as a society, use alcohol to soften life’s blows. I get it when you’ve lost a loved one or a job or even feeling the need to have a drink after a long day at work. But no matter how long and hard my day is, I don’t want my children to ever feel like they are my worries that need to be taken away.
Because really my children are my joy, my light, my loves in life. They are the reason I wake up every morning (literally, I can’t ignore them screaming my name!) and I don’t want them to ever feel like they are a burden or a hardship or that they have caused my unnecessary stress. I want them to always know that I would do anything for them and that I love them with all my heart, because I do and I would.
And I don’t ever want my children to associate themselves with my experience of motherhood and wine.
I has to be because wine drinking is more socially acceptable. Imagine what people would think if you were drinking shots or mixed drinks instead.
Good point, Scott! But why must we equate motherhood with drinking at all?
I think this is one of those things that’s memed about more than it’s done. I have a ton of friends who throw those memes out there all the time, but they don’t actually ever do anything.
I totally agree, Dawn! I definitely think it’s become a social joke, I just worry about the message it sends to our children.
I think it all revolves around a more “grown” or “advanced” adult taste that wine has become so common among mothers. I personally have baby #2 on the way and I’m not much of a drinker at all, so it doesn’t apply to me. But I do have certain days where I feel like I need something to relax because my son has driven me to the brinks. I’d rather just have a nap, though, than turn to alcohol.
I’m with you, Danielle! At the end of a hard day, I just want to go to bed.
I think it’s really just a joke for most people. I am pretty sure we don’t all sit around drinking THAT much wine.
Robin, I think you’re right but at some point, doesn’t the joke stop being funny? And what about the people who don’t realize it’s a joke? I just worry about the slippery slope it puts us all on!
Hey! First, probably should fess up that I’m obviously going to be biased. My blog is called poppies & pinot, and I live in wine country.
Ok. That’s out of the way.
I agree with your final point that we shouldn’t have our children think we need to drink to be around them. It’s such a damaging storyline to pass off.
My only concern is the judgmental comment up at the top, implying mom’s sit around drinking a day. I don’t know of a single mother (and I know a LOT of wine drinkers) who sit on their couch and drink all afternoon. I, for one, have a glass at dinner or sometimes a little later. I also like wine, and am not pregnant or breastfeeding so it’s different for me than for someone who doesn’t like it (to which I say, come on over, let’s find something you do like).
I definitely don’t mean to imply that all or most mommies sit around drinking all day, I guess the joke is just lost on me, but I do love a GOOD glass of wine as much as the next mommy!
I do not need wine for my kids. I actually hate wine to be honest! I like to cook with it but that is it! I need coffee for my kids!
I’m with you, Amy! I’ve tried to cut back on caffeine during my pregnancy but I have to admit that most mornings I just can’t survive without a cup of coffee!
I have to agree some just think it is a joke… I enjoy a glass from time to time, but it is no big deal to me.
Susan, I definitely won’t judge any adult that has a drink now and then or even regularly within moderation. I just want to be more careful about the messages I am sending to my children about my feelings towards them.
oh I do agree about why all the wine/mother hood memes but I think it’s meant as a joke. And I’ll tell you yes, there have been days where I am like “once these kids are in bed I am having myself a drink!”
Amanda, I can’t say I’ve never thought it as well! Though usually I opt for a bowl of ice cream or early bed time instead!
I don’t know… but I can say that after a hectic day with the kids, driving all over, swim team, camp, and craziness it is sometimes really nice to just sit down and relax with a glass of wine. I don’t think of it as getting drunk, but feeling that ‘ah’ moment :)
I’m all for drinking what you enjoy, Shauna! I guess what I don’t get is why the joke has to be about alcohol. What if we all just sit down at the end of the day and enjoy a nice cup of hot chocolate? That would also give me an ‘ah” moment (if it wasn’t June in South Florida…)
I think the moms/wine thing is more of a joke. Most moms I know don’t sit around drinking wine. We’re way too busy for that. LOL
I understand that it oftentimes is joke, but unfortunately at the expense of our children…
Hahaha I have to laugh at all those memes. Too funny! I don’t drink whine, but my beverage of choice is a Diet Coke! Let’s just say I go through my fare share every day!
I did chuckle at the memes too, Meagan. I would say there is a stark difference in binge drinking Diet Coke versus wine, though!
I have not had wine in many years. I have either been pregnant or breastfeeding!
So goes the story of us mommies who have many babies close together! (Though I do personally have A drink now and then while breastfeeding).
Wine is way to sugary for me to drink very often without having a headache. I do like it but only for certain occasions and parties. I would actually like to learn how to pair wines and beers with food better.
Wine is definitely an acquired taste and not one I can say I’ve established, give me a (good) beer any day!
I guess I don’t get waht the issue is. I don’t personally drink wine but a glass of wine a day has shown to have many health benefits and I doubt many people drink nearly as much wine as these memes make it appear to be.
I’m not arguing against an occasional or even daily drink but rather the message we are sending to our children.
I only drink wine on special occasions, as it makes me very sleepy. Don’t get me wrong, I love it and would drink lots MORE!
Wine makes me sooo sleepy too, maybe why I prefer other drinks!
This is something I have wondered myself. Probably because I don’t drink, therefore I don’t understand the correlation as to why Wine makes it better. But you have great points to ponder too. WE definitely don’t want our kids to think they are intolerable that we have to get drunk to deal with them.
Exactly, Amber!
What a good point you make here. I don’t drink, but I do use Dr. Pepper to help my sanity. It is just the little me time I try to take in the afternoon to decompress a little.
Aubrey, we all need to decompress, parent or not and we all have our vices I just worry about the message being sent when mommies are constantly saying they need wine (alcohol) to help.
I don’t drink anymore – gave up even a glass of wine when I lost my mom to breast cancer. Yikes – I do think it’s joked about a lot with motherhood, but alchohol can be a problem for many, even moms.
So sorry for your loss, Debra. While I definitely don’t think this is a reality of every mom, I do wonder if the “joke” can be hiding a more troubling truth for some mommies.
I am pretty sure this is more a joke about topic than it is actually done. I think coffee would be a more accurate drink!
I agree, Autumn, that more mommies probably truthfully turn to coffee more than wine. Which, I guess, is better but not by much!
This is hilarious. I love somecards and a glass of wine when they go to bed
I love all these..but I don’t drink much wine. hehe but they are funny and people like to laugh.
I agree they are funny but the more I see the more I get concerned about the trend!
Wow, that’s really true. I never much noticed until you said something, but this has become a huge trend.
So huge, it’s everywhere I look! And while some of the memes are cute and harmless, they’re starting to get bolder and less appropriate, in my opinion.
I have noticed the increase of wine memes online lately. I have three kids and only drink on special occasions. Most of the Moms i know do not drink often.
I don’t know any mommies that drink heavily, either, but I still think it’s send the wrong message about motherhood!
I think the only new trend here is social media. Parents have been drinking for years. My mom had a glass of wine to end the day. Her Dad had a drink. People have been drinking at the end of the day for centuries. The only thing that has changed is now we share everything online – so why not this too.
You’re very right, Emily. But I think the change comes in the fact that it is now blamed on merely having children and no longer on having a long orhard day in general.
I don’t drink wine, but a good cocktail or cranberita (did I spell that right) every now and then definitely helps. Not so much to get a break from my kids, but just the craziness of life in general.
I’m all for a drink at the end of a long day, I just want to make sure I’m sending the right message to my kids about it!
I never drink wine or beer but I think the reason why so many moms “talk” about the “wine” break is that it’s more of an appreciation for the little time that we get to do something for ourselves. Thanks for sharing. #ConfessionsLinkUp
This is so true, Amy. I hadn’t really thought of the “me” aspect of the situation. Every mommy needs her personal outlet in the crazy life that is mommying!
This is a really interesting post. I have been guilty of sharing the mom and wine memes in the past. But you have some really thought provoking ideas here. I certainly don’t want my kids to think they are “why” I drink – it’s more likely I had a terrible day at work and that’s why I’d like some wine tonight. And yes, they aren’t old enough yet to see the memes and understand all the implications, but they’ll get there! Thank you for sharing your opinions on this – now I have some thinking to do myself!
Jessica, I find myself giggling at the memes and making references as well. It’s definitely a hard habit to break away from but I’m always careful about how it’s addressed around my kids. They already know they drive me crazy, I don’t need them thinking they drive me to drink, too! I also want them to grow up with lots of different options to cope with stress, liquor not being one of them so I try to model that as much as possible.