Mommying is Hard. It’s no joke, it’s no gimmick, it’s not a catchphrase: Mommying is just plain hard. The expectations put on mommies these days are ridiculous. As a group, we mommies are each just trying to do our best for our families by making the choices that suit our own personal situations. But with everyone having an opinion on what is best, right, most important, safest, healthiest, etc., it’s hard not to feel overwhelmed.
There is a point, though, when that overwhelmed feeling we all have becomes something else. All mommies have their lows, many of us get the blues but sometimes it doesn’t stop there and full-on postpartum depression can set in.
So, I’m not a doctor (and I am in no way offering medical advice) and I’ve never suffered from postpartum depression but I am a mommy to three and a friend/support to countless other mommies. I have a pretty good idea of what is “normal” and what may be warning signs of a more serious situation. These are the things that catch my attention and make me wonder if a fellow mommy is experiencing postpartum depression:
A desire to be away from her baby: Sure, we all want time to ourselves and a few minutes of quiet, peace and calm but to desperately want to run away from the baby, is not typical. I know when I have struggled with early mommyhood, I have wanted to run away WITH the baby…to leave everything else behind and live happily ever after just the two of us. I also know that when I get overwhelmed, I don’t desperately want someone to come watch the baby so I can go away, I want someone to come keep me company while I’m with my baby.
A lack of interest in things that used to be really important: For instance, if I ever stop having periodic freak-outs about never being able to go take a dance class, that would be a HUGE red flag. Even mommies who can’t or don’t do things for themselves or that they used to do, they should still WANT to and maybe even be angry or resentful of not being able to (indicating they still care).
Suddenly not caring about baby things that used to be non-negotiable: This includes the passionate breast feeder, adamant cloth diaperer or co-sleeping advocate who abruptly decides bottles of formula are fine, disposable diapers are easier or the crib is the way to go. If something is crucially important to a mommy during pregnancy and the first few days/weeks after welcoming baby, she will most likely struggle when choosing to go away from her original choice, not make the decision easily and unexpectedly.
Lacking interest in taking care of herself: Sure, all of us mommies miss a shower now and then and may neglect other self-care tasks that were regular pre-baby (like manicures, haircuts, shaved legs, make-up, etc.) but if a mommy doesn’t run for the shower given the chance, it might be a sign they’re struggling.
Postpartum depression is such a taboo thing in our society (up there will miscarriage and disappointment in ones birth experience). Mommies are expected to be happy they have a healthy baby. Mommies are expected to bear the struggles and oftentimes the “baby blues” are brushed off as a normal effect of sleep deprivation; physical, hormonal and life changes; and all the sacrifices mommies make for their children.
As mommies I think we put a lot of stock in the “what ifs”. What if I could go take ballet class again? What if I had extra help around the house? What if I could shower every morning like I used to? What if I could just have a gosh darn bottle of wine!? And What if I could just get a full night’s sleep?
But the real question is: what if a mommy gets all those things and doesn’t feel better? Sometimes I think we pick an unattainable solution to our problems so we don’t have to face, accept or deal with what’s really wrong.
