When your in-laws are coming,
You’ll decide to break from homeschooling for a week.
And when you tell your kids they’ll be really excited, until…
You tell them they still have to finish the work they’re behind on
And they’ll start flapping their arms and being ridiculous,
Saying it’s too much work to which you’ll reply “then you should have done it when you were supposed to.”
And when you ask to see what they’ve done,
Your eldest will say she lost her book
So you’ll go up to her room to look for it.
And that’s when you’ll find all the hidden markers, candy wrappers
And other crap she’s stolen and hoarded.
So you’ll scream “get up here nnnoooooow!!!”
She’ll stomp upstairs and then sheepishly watch you pull all the contraband out.
And when you leave her to get everything cleaned up,
You’ll go into your other daughter’s room and that’s when…
You’ll find all her clean clothes crumpled up in the bottom of the closet
And you’ll ask her to hang them up
And that’s when you’ll notice your toddler jumping on the top bunk bed.
As you pull him down, you’ll see all the library books behind the bed
And ask him to help to which he’ll reply
“I’m too big,” when he really means he’s too small.
That’s when the baby will start fussing and rubbing his eyes
So you’ll go change his diaper
And tell the big kids you’re going to put him to nap.
You’ll get all comfy nursing in the rocking chair
And just as the baby is finally asleep,
All hell will break loose and everyone else will start screaming at each other.
You’ll run out of the baby’s room to find out what the hell is going on
Only to find your toddler with marker all over his body,
Your eldest reading and the other one doing gymnastics.
You’ll remind each of their jobs and head downstairs,
Only to realize that your floors really need to be cleaned.
You’ll get out the steam mop and notice how disgusting your house really is.
So you’ll spend the entire one hour and 48 minutes the baby naps
Running around the house, cleaning like a crazy person.
Until you see the mess your toddler made in the play room.
And that’s when you’ll say “screw it,”
Realizing a clean house is a lost cause
And take everyone out for lunch instead.
