Just to See Him Smile

I like to say that my pregnancies were uncomplicated. Because, compared to many other mommies who have suffered loss and health problems, my pregnancies seems like a breeze. But the truth is, my third pregnancy was tough. Between the placenta previa that nearly ruined my homebirth plans and the symphysis pubis dysfunction that made daily life incredibly painful, it’s a wonder that I had any desire to do it again.

And while I consider the first of my four natural births, when I was induced, the only eventful one, that third birth, and first at home, had its moments. From the giant-headed blue baby placed in my arms as my placenta was immediately ejected to my uterus that refused to contract after, it was that third birth that was the hardest physically (the first was tough emotionally and mentally).

Today is the say we get to celebrate the sixth anniversary of that eventful birth. This is the day our Doodle entered this world.

I would love nothing more than to end this post right here by saying that the six years since that early morning have been smooth sailing. But I can’t.

Because, while he wasn’t my toughest baby (Sugarplum wins that award by a landslide), there is no doubt he has been the one to make my mommying life the hardest. Though, it’s not because of who he is, but because of how he was made.

He was my first talker, my youngest one to sputter “mama” and “dada”. But then his speech development slowed and stalled. And by three, he was delayed. I spent years going back and forth on whether or not to seek intervention (we decided not to, but anyone who has doubts about their child’s development really should get an evaluation done!) And even now at 6, he’s still an unsure speaker and often has trouble talking to strangers and being understood. But the beginning reading phonics work we’ve been doing for kindergarten has helped and now it’s just a pronunciation problem, not a full-on speech issue like before.

He was also the first of my kids to every have an allergic-type reaction. At 9 months gastro problems with dairy and shortly after, severe eczema we linked to corn. The journey since discovering that allergy/sensitivity/intolerance has been nothing but rocky.

Our pediatrician in Florida, who I adored, optimistically believed that he would eventually outgrow both issues. And while the milk one has become manageable (he can have goat’s milk products and there are plenty of non-dairy options these days), the corn has not subsided. After another big eczema flare up when we tried full-on corn when he was two, a cough that didn’t go away for months until we cut out corn when he was 3, and now “corn spots” as he calls them (sometimes small red rash around his mouth, sometimes smaller eczema patches) whenever he has too much of something corny, we’re extremely careful (though he’s a sneaky little bugger.)

But the problem is, corn is in EVERYTHING. We can’t just cut out high fructose corn syrup, corn starch, corn meal, corn oil, and call it good. So many things are made from corn or processed with corn but not marked as such. Things like dextrose, maltodextrin, citric acid, canola oil, vinegar, and yeast. Corn starch is often used as an anti-caking device and not included on labeling in things like powdered sugar and spices. And even things like “pure” maple syrup, honey and molasses can be tainted with corn during processing.

And though an allergy bloodtest came back negative last year, I’ve never felt like it was right. So we’ve continued his “corn lite” diet where we avoided as much as possible, but I wasn’t overly neurotic about it.

Until a few weeks ago when all hell broke loose. My generally good-natured, silly guy starting having regular epic meltdowns. I’m not talking about a little crying or fussing or even yelling. I’m talking all hell breaking loose with stomping, screaming, door slamming, and an inability to calm down within a reasonable time period. He became basically inconsolable when he was upset and we were having these meltdowns daily. It started to affect our daily lives, making us late to things and everyone stressed and miserable.

Desperate to get things back under control, I made a hard decision: no more corn. At all.

I had a feeling that maybe he wasn’t feeling well and just didn’t know it because he didn’t know what it was like to actually feel good. All the things I’d been letting slide like yeast and citric acid and a little bit of dextrose were no longer going to be welcome in his body. Because as much as feeding him that kind of diet sucks, we had to do something, we had to try.

I’ll admit, I secretly hoped it wouldn’t work. I hoped that it was a behavior phase and not a food-related issue. But within a few days, the tantrums stopped. He started calming himself down within minutes without help. The stomping, screaming, door slamming became a memory. And after a couple weeks, he admitted that his body feels happier.

So, we’ll continue on this path. We’ll limit his corn intake as much as possible. We’ll watch for even mild reactions when we make exceptions and adjust accordingly.

And while this is a huge burden for me and has been a big change for our entire family, I would do anything to keep him healthy and happy. To hear him ask his dad “why are you talking like a bro, dude?” and the hysterical laughter that follows. To see him do his silly dances and make funny faces. I will do anything just to see that smile every day.

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