I never thought much about homeschooling before I was a mommy, but it didn’t take me long after the arrival of Honeybun for it to become something I was interested in. But for me, it wasn’t the usual reasons at that time drawing my interest. It wasn’t about not wanting to let her go or letting go of her development (though I have struggled with letting go of her moral and character development). It was that at just 6 weeks old, I knew she was bright. I could tell she was going to be a quick learner and I worried about her getting lost in a traditional classroom with children who might struggle and require more attention than her.
I’ve spent the past 5 ½ years since then contemplating homeschool, debating with hubby, convincing myself that he is right and fighting with everything in me that says he’s not. I’ve loved the idea of being on our own schedule; working at our children’s individual pace; learning in a way that is engaging, interesting and most suitable to each child; and letting the world be their classroom. I’ve dreamed of being able to see the world with our children and teach them history in front of the Wailing Wall, geometry at the base of the Eiffel tower and biology on the plains of Africa. I want them to understand that learning happens everywhere and that it’s not just something we do within the confines of a classroom.
But I’ve always given into hubby and the cultural pull to do the traditional school thing. We enrolled Honeybun in the French School program in Dublin when she was 3. And she participated in Florida’s Voluntary Pre-Kindergarten program. And throughout I tried to convince myself that despite the weaknesses of both programs, she was getting other invaluable experience with her peers and other adults.
And then this year happened: kindergarten. I was terrified of this next step in our parenting journey (a year ago, kindergarten scared me more than my impending labor and homebirth!) And I didn’t go into it lightly, I fought for her to get into the advanced class and we chose to opt out of the “mandatory” uniform requirement but I tried to go in with a positive outlook. I loved her teacher but there were many things that still frustrated me like the homework load, the double standard of dress for staff, the inability to become involved and the common core mathematics.
I recently have become so disenchanted with the whole system and I am extremely saddened by the life my 5 year old lives (see “Dealing with a Disservice” for the full story) and every second that isn’t focused on the immediate needs of my children is drawn to homeschooling. I still long for the life we could live as homeschoolers, the freedom we could have but more importantly, I long for happiness for my children. I long for my children to love learning, to be insatiably curious and to want to explore, know and understand their world.
I still struggle with the cultural pull and hubby’s staunch position as well as our families’ doubts but I feel the pull getting stronger. I’m looking ahead to next year when I will have two in school and my heart is aching in despair, worried for two of my babies and what their futures hold. I can’t say where our future lies or ultimately what decision will be made but I can say that I will probably never give up my longing to homeschool and the benefits I see in it for my children and our family.
Based on what you’ve written in this space, when you reason against your gut, you regret it later.
So true!