{"id":9903,"date":"2016-02-29T10:26:02","date_gmt":"2016-02-29T15:26:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/?p=9903"},"modified":"2016-02-29T10:38:13","modified_gmt":"2016-02-29T15:38:13","slug":"mommying-shouldnt-hard","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/2016\/02\/29\/mommying-shouldnt-hard\/","title":{"rendered":"Mommying Shouldn’t Be This Hard."},"content":{"rendered":"

It seems these days that being a mommy\u00a0is just too much for many of us. Motherhood has become exhausting, overwhelming, at times unbearable. We find ourselves doing it all, most of the time on our own<\/a>.<\/p>\n

It’s not supposed to be this hard. We aren’t supposed to be doing this alone, we were designed to nurture in tribes. So we seek out mommy friends<\/a>, a group we can pass the hours and commiserate with.\"Mommying<\/p>\n

But at the end of the day, it’s each mommy for herself. \u00a0Both realistically and figuratively. When it comes to dinner time<\/a>, bed time<\/a>, we all return to our own homes and are left to do what may be the hardest part of the entire day, often\u00a0without help<\/a>.<\/p>\n

We muck through the days with coffee in hand in the morning and a glass of wine<\/a> after the kids are in bed. \u00a0Our secret elixirs that make it all bearable and make us feel strong and brave enough to do it all again tomorrow. \u00a0Because we have to.<\/p>\n

Our grandparents<\/a> are too old and frail to help. Many of our own parents are still working. Our sisters live across the country or world. We turn to our partners for help but they work long hours at jobs that show\u00a0little respect or understanding for family needs plus they have needs, too, and we are saddled\u00a0with even more with-the-kids-alone time<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Finding affordable, family friendly housing<\/a> close to our jobs<\/a>, doctors<\/a>,\u00a0and\u00a0pre-child lives is nearly impossible so we move farther and farther away. \u00a0Public transport options are non-existent for most of us so we spend our money on gas and waste our hours in traffic\u00a0while our babies scream hysterically<\/a>, desperate to get out of the hold of their properly tightened car seats<\/a>. \u00a0And we wait at home, counting down the minutes until our partners make it through the same hell to return to us each evening so they can provide us with the help we’ve needed all day, desperately\u00a0hoping they’re up for the task<\/a>.<\/p>\n

We are forced to choose whether to stay at home<\/a> and raise our kids<\/a> or return to work and bring home pennies on our hard-earned dollars after childcare expenses<\/a>. \u00a0But for some of us, it’s not really a choice at all; those pennies are crucial and we head back to work long before our babies and our bodies<\/a> are ready. \u00a0We entrust our tiniest treasures with family if we’re lucky, strangers when we’re not, and pretend there\u00a0is such a thing as work\/life balance.<\/p>\n

We are thrown into parenting, often without assistance or preparation aside from the classic advice which is unrealistic for modern moms<\/a>. \u00a0We are left to bumble through it all by ourselves with only Google, baby books and the words of others ringing in our ears: “Is he sleeping through the night<\/a>?” “Shouldn’t she be sleeping in her own room\u00a0by now<\/a>?” “He’s too chunky, you shouldn’t let him use you as a pacifier.” “She’s too skinny, you need to supplement.” “Is s\/he a\u00a0good baby<\/em>?”\"Mommying<\/p>\n

And these words make us constantly question our choices and leave us feeling like a failure<\/a>. \u00a0We feel forced to choose:\u00a0Natural birth<\/a>\u00a0or\u00a0c-section<\/a>;\u00a0breast<\/a>\u00a0or\u00a0bottle<\/a>; co-sleeping<\/a> or cry-it-out<\/a>; pacifier or thumb<\/a>; babywear<\/a> or push\u00a0a stroller<\/a>; cloth diapers<\/a> or disposable<\/a>… \u00a0It goes on, and on, and on and the outside opinions and judgments begin long before baby.<\/p>\n

Before we even have kids people want to know when it’s going to happen. \u00a0After the first they want to know where the second is. \u00a0And if your first two are the same gender, a third is expected. \u00a0But\u00a0once you’ve got both genders covered<\/a>, you’re crazy to have more<\/a>.<\/p>\n

We’re damned if we do, damned if we don’t. \u00a0Don’t breastfeed in public<\/a> because you might offend someone but pull out a bottle and you might get judged. \u00a0Don’t take your kids anywhere where they might bother an adult who doesn’t want them around (like to a restaurant<\/a> or on an airplane<\/a>) but also be sure they don’t act out or throw a fit<\/a> in places where kids are a regular occurrence because then you’re a bad mom with out of control kids.<\/p>\n

So we shut ourselves in. \u00a0We get comfy in our sweats and yoga pants. \u00a0We immerse ourselves in our children’s needs because someone has to feed them<\/a>, bathe them<\/a>, love on them, teach them right from wrong<\/a>, making sure they’re well fed, well-adjusted and well rested.<\/p>\n

We are told that the early years are the most important and made to believe that if we don’t start early, they’ll fall behind. \u00a0So we spend our days running our preschoolers<\/a> from play groups\u00a0to enrichment classes to play dates and our evenings struggling with our school-aged children over homework<\/a> and fitting in extra-curricular classes<\/a>. \u00a0We watch our children crack under the pressure<\/a> and desperately seek a\u00a0solution and in droves we are pulling our children out<\/a>.<\/p>\n

We completely lose ourselves in them because they are our world. \u00a0And then the nagging comes, the reminders that we must take care of ourselves. \u00a0Every blog, book, TV show, Facebook post directed at new mommies tells us how important “me” time is (except for my advice for new mommies<\/a>.)\"Mommying<\/p>\n

But where do we find “me” time when we can’t even go to the bathroom alone<\/a>? \u00a0When our to-do list is miles longer than the hours we have in a day? \u00a0When our house is a mess<\/a> and all we seek is some quiet, resting time<\/a>? \u00a0How do we not lose ourselves when we don’t even have the time or energy\u00a0just to be<\/a><\/em>?<\/p>\n

Don’t get me wrong, I love my children with everything I have<\/a>. \u00a0I do my best every second of every day even though I make mistakes<\/a>. \u00a0I love being a mommy and can not think of anything I’d rather be doing. \u00a0I chose this life<\/a>, and I would choose it all over again.<\/p>\n

I just wish our culture supported mothers more instead of setting us up for failure and then ridiculing and judging<\/a> us when we are down. \u00a0There is a reason we’re hearing more and more about postpartum depression<\/a>. \u00a0Mommying is hard<\/a>\u00a0and until we find the support we need tobe\u00a0and\u00a0feel<\/em> successful, the cycle is just going to continue.\"Mommying<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It seems these days that being a mommy\u00a0is just too much for many of us. Motherhood has become exhausting, overwhelming, at times unbearable. We find ourselves doing it all, most of the time on our own. It’s not supposed to be this hard. We aren’t supposed to be doing this alone, we were designed to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10303,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,8,16,158,9,15,5],"tags":[459,460,458],"class_list":["post-9903","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-mommys-life","category-baby-business","category-breastfeeding","category-monthly-milestones","category-family-life","category-family-ties","category-mommy-time","tag-being-a-mom","tag-modern-moms","tag-motherhood"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9903","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9903"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9903\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10306,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9903\/revisions\/10306"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10303"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9903"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9903"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9903"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}