{"id":8664,"date":"2015-07-24T08:30:44","date_gmt":"2015-07-24T12:30:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/?p=8664"},"modified":"2015-07-24T08:49:13","modified_gmt":"2015-07-24T12:49:13","slug":"separating-me-from-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/2015\/07\/24\/separating-me-from-them\/","title":{"rendered":"Separating ME from THEM"},"content":{"rendered":"

I carried them in my body for 40 weeks, each. \u00a0I grew them, cell-by-cell, limb-by-limb, inch-by-inch. \u00a0My body created them from two half-cells into tiny but whole people.<\/p>\n

\"heart<\/a><\/p>\n

I birthed them, laboring for 1\/2 a day or more, to bring them into our world. \u00a0I felt each surge of their impending entrance. \u00a0I breathed through each moment, ready to welcome them, hold them, love them with everything I had. \u00a0I screamed as their bodies exited mine then smiled through tear-filled eyes\u00a0when I saw their beautiful faces.<\/p>\n

I fed them from my breast for 18 months, 22 months, 27 months. \u00a0I gave up other things in order to give them every bit of me. \u00a0They sucked the life out of me, one content guzzle at a time. \u00a0They grew and thrived and became their own independent, free-willed people.<\/p>\n

But they are still a part of me. \u00a0They are still my life, my world, my everything. \u00a0And as they grow I have trouble separating me from them.<\/p>\n

I feel their pain and know their sadness. \u00a0I see the ugly of the world that affects their lives, even when they don’t. \u00a0I am their advocate, their protector, their mommy. \u00a0I fight for them even when they don’t know there’s a battle.<\/p>\n

I relish in their innocence and am joyful they don’t see the things I do. \u00a0I am thankful they don’t always see things the way I do, feel things the way I do, understand things the way I do. \u00a0I feel pain\u00a0for<\/em> them that they don’t even know about.<\/p>\n

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But what if someday, they figure it out? \u00a0What if after hearing the stories and seeing the pictures of their lives, their moments, they see all the battles I fought but lost?<\/p>\n

If they ask why, I will tell them I did my best, tried my hardest, fought with everything I had. \u00a0But what if they don’t believe me? \u00a0What if I can’t convince them because I don’t believe it myself?<\/p>\n

Life is not fair, and I wouldn’t want it to be. \u00a0Our world is beautiful in its imperfections and I want my children to learn to see it. \u00a0But sometimes there are injustices, sometimes there are things that are out of our control, out of my control. \u00a0Things that I can’t change for them no matter how desperately I may want to.<\/p>\n

I try to be the logical thinker, to take the emotion out of it. \u00a0I try to see things through my adult, understanding eyes but I can’t help but feel things as they do in their innocent hearts. \u00a0They are a part of me and I feel so deeply with them and sometimes\u00a0for<\/em> them.<\/p>\n

They will never know all the struggles I’ve had over them, with them, for them. \u00a0And it’s probably better that way but it doesn’t make my mommy life easier, it doesn’t put my heart at ease.<\/p>\n

They are my everything and I will never stop fighting for them as they make their way through this big, wonderful world, even if I do it silently in the shadows.<\/p>\n

\"SONY<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I carried them in my body for 40 weeks, each. \u00a0I grew them, cell-by-cell, limb-by-limb, inch-by-inch. \u00a0My body created them from two half-cells into tiny but whole people. I birthed them, laboring for 1\/2 a day or more, to bring them into our world. \u00a0I felt each surge of their impending entrance. \u00a0I breathed through […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8778,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8664","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-mommys-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8664","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8664"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8664\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8784,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8664\/revisions\/8784"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8778"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8664"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8664"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8664"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}