{"id":3455,"date":"2014-03-07T07:20:12","date_gmt":"2014-03-07T12:20:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/?p=3455"},"modified":"2014-03-07T07:34:29","modified_gmt":"2014-03-07T12:34:29","slug":"minding-my-morals","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/2014\/03\/07\/minding-my-morals\/","title":{"rendered":"Minding my Morals"},"content":{"rendered":"

It seems many mommies I know are having life revelations this week which is strange because I had one too.\u00a0 While I\u2019m still no closer to\u00a0\u201cPicking a Path\u201d<\/a>\u00a0than I was six weeks ago, I realized through a series of recent events that I\u2019m not bitchy enough.\u00a0 This probably sounds like a good thing, but let me explain.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve always based my personal significance on being a \u201cgood\u201d person in the sense that I am kind, considerate, compassionate, respectful, loyal, understanding and forgiving. \u00a0I have always had a tendency to put others\u2019 needs before my own (this is something I get from my mom) and deeply value other people\u2019s feelings.\u00a0 Don\u2019t confuse this with me being overly concerned with what people think of ME, what I mean is, I care how other people feel about their own situations.<\/p>\n

My realization, though, is that I\u2019ve been na\u00efve in thinking that others also value these things in themselves and are thinking of me the same way I am thinking of them.\u00a0 So I\u2019m not so na\u00efve to think that all PEOPLE are the same as me, but I did have this idea about organizations, specifically those that I am closely involved with.\u00a0 As it turns out, though, I was wrong.\u00a0 The only one who really gives a flying hoot about me is me (again, I\u2019m talking largely about organizations, not about individuals\u2026I know there are plenty of wonderful people in my life that do indeed really care about me!)<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve realized that I don\u2019t stand up for myself, my needs and the well being of my family nearly enough.\u00a0 It\u2019s not that I can\u2019t because anyone who knows me will tell you I go hard or go home on things that really matter to me like when I pushed and pushed against Honeybun\u2019s school to\u00a0get her in the high achieving class<\/a>\u00a0or when I spent nearly an entire Sunday \u00a0promoting an organization<\/a>\u00a0I really believe in or when I\u00a0switched from OB to midwife<\/a>\u00a0at 35 weeks pregnant because I was not satisfied with the hospital the OB wanted me to go to.\u00a0 I have a very strong moral compass and when I believe in something, I don\u2019t give up.<\/p>\n

But where I\u2019ve found my lack of \u201cbitchiness\u201d is in situations that I don\u2019t find overly important.\u00a0 So what\u2019s the problem?\u00a0 The problem is that just because it\u2019s not all that important to me doesn\u2019t mean other people see it that way.\u00a0 In a sense, I\u2019m a sucker, easily taken advantage of and have sometimes felt abused when I was not shown the same respect and consideration I strive to give others.<\/p>\n

\"IMG-20131219-00021<\/a>Case in point: Sugarplum\u2019s gymnastics.\u00a0 She started in September, about a month after her third birthday.\u00a0 I enrolled her in a 3-4 year old class but on the first day the teacher said since she was new she should go in the 2-3 year old class.\u00a0 I was fine with it, she\u2019s 3.\u00a0 She\u2019s not headed for the Olympics (yet\u2026) and she did great for a few months.\u00a0 But then a child that is over a year younger than her moved into the 3-4 year old class.\u00a0 And then Sugarplum stopped paying attention and doing her best so I asked when children were moved around and the response I got when I explained she would be 4 this summer and was in the 2-3 class was \u201cOh!\u00a0 She should have been in the older class all along!\u201d<\/p>\n

Sugarplum has since moved into the older class and has been doing great and I had moved on, not thought anything more about it.\u00a0 Until a few days ago when a friend who\u2019s daughter is in the same program informed me her daughter would be moving classes on her birthday to the next older group and it hit me: I\u2019m a sucker.\u00a0 I should have questioned her class the very first day.\u00a0 I should have advocated for her advancement.\u00a0 But she\u2019s 3 and she\u2019s not headed for the Olympics so I didn\u2019t because to me it really doesn\u2019t matter. \u00a0Plus\u00a0I assumed that the people who ran the program were watching her development, paying attention to\u00a0 her abilities and had her in the right class. \u00a0And that\u2019s where the problem lies.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not a helicopter mommy nor am I an alpha mommy, I\u2019m just a mommy doing the best I can to love, support and\u00a0raise my children<\/a>\u00a0to be \u201cgood\u201d people.\u00a0 But now I\u2019m wondering if my parenting style is hurting my children.\u00a0 Is my lack of pushing my children into the front of the pack going to hurt them in the long run?\u00a0 Is my lack of \u201ccaring\u201d about things that other mommies find really important (like which gymnastics class their 3 year old is in) going to hold them back in the future?\u00a0 Am I delusional in believing that all young children (ie: before school aged) really need is someone to\u00a0love them<\/a>, someone to\u00a0talk to them<\/a>, someone to\u00a0read to them<\/a>, someone to\u00a0play with them<\/a>, someone to\u00a0model moral behavior<\/a>\u00a0and someone to\u00a0support them<\/a>\u00a0as they grow, change and try new things?<\/p>\n

I know I\u2019m the best mommy I know how and want to be right now, but what if my best is just not good enough for my children?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It seems many mommies I know are having life revelations this week which is strange because I had one too.\u00a0 While I\u2019m still no closer to\u00a0\u201cPicking a Path\u201d\u00a0than I was six weeks ago, I realized through a series of recent events that I\u2019m not bitchy enough.\u00a0 This probably sounds like a good thing, but let […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3455","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-a-mommys-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3455","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3455"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3455\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3461,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3455\/revisions\/3461"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3455"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3455"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3455"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}