I was desperate to get the baby out before she arrived.\u00a0 I wanted my peaceful birth and some time at home with just the baby and Hubby before the hustle-bustle of visitors arrived.\u00a0 I bounced on my exercise ball and did laps in the living room.\u00a0 I timed every contraction hoping a pattern would emerge.\u00a0 Nothing.\u00a0 My sister came. My parents came.\u00a0 My sister left. Nothing.\u00a0 That\u2019s when it all began.<\/p>\n
The downward spiral started at my 40+6 week prenatal appointment. That Monday I had an ultrasound which showed Honeybun was healthy, growing and my fluid was fine.\u00a0 I measured 6 weeks small throughout my pregnancy so there was constant concern that she wasn\u2019t growing or that I didn\u2019t have enough fluid but neither case was ever true.\u00a0 I then waited patiently in an exam room for a doctor whom I had never met before.\u00a0 The doctor entered and without even introducing herself, slammed my chart on the counter, crossed her arms and declared \u201cyou\u2019re late, we need to induce, like tomorrow.\u201d\u00a0 I could barely hold back the tears.\u00a0 I had previously been working with two wonderful midwives who had been supportive of my wanting to avoid medical interventions.\u00a0 I knew that I wasn\u2019t \u201clate\u201d.\u00a0 Full term is considered between 37 and 42 weeks therefore a woman is not \u201clate\u201d until after 42 weeks (I wasn\u2019t even 41).\u00a0 I begged for time.\u00a0 I asked to have until Friday to get things going on my own.\u00a0 She initially agreed, and then realized Friday was the 4th<\/sup>\u00a0of July so we\u2019d have to do it Thursday (\u201cwe couldn\u2019t do it on a holiday\u201d).\u00a0 The only saving grace at the time was that one of the midwives I had seen and really liked would be on call on Thursday.\u00a0 I was dilated to 2 \u00bd and really hoped labor would happen naturally before Thursday.<\/p>\n I\u00a0went home that day and immediately began trying every natural suggestion I could find for starting labor. \u00a0I ate spicy food, I did laps around my living room, I gently bounced on an exercise ball for hours at a time, I even made a (normally) 20 minute drive in rush hour traffic to get raspberry leaf tea.\u00a0 I tried EVERYTHING.\u00a0 Wednesday evening I was distraught.\u00a0 I did not want to be induced; I knew my baby would come when she was ready.\u00a0 If she wasn\u2019t here yet that meant she wasn\u2019t ready, so why rush her?\u00a0 Before bed I began having very mild contractions that lasted through the night, 9 minutes apart for nearly 10 hours.\u00a0 Hubby and I got up at 5:45 to get ready to go to the hospital.\u00a0 I even called the doctor\u2019s office to say I was having contractions and to see if I still needed to go in, desperately hoping they would call and tell me to wait.\u00a0 But no call came and at 6:30 we got in the car and drove the hospital, the beginning of the end for my ideal birth.<\/p>\n Then next 15 hours were somewhat of a blur, time escaped me and I still have little knowledge of how things progressed.\u00a0 This is what I remember:<\/p>\n 7:00 am \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I checked in and the nurse (a novice) began the intense questioning process and I was hooked up to an IV for fluids and blood pressure cuff<\/p>\n 8:30 am \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 my midwife stopped by, I was dilated to 2 \u00bd (the same as Monday)<\/p>\n 9:00 am \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I requested to have my water broken (in lieu of man-made chemicals entering my veins).\u00a0 Meconium was present in the amniotic fluid (Honeybun had had a bowel movement)<\/p>\n 9:15 am \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I was hooked up to an Electronic Fetal Monitor (now four wires attaching me to the bed, limiting my movement)<\/p>\n 12:00 pm \u00a0 another doctor I had never met stopped in to check on my progress.\u00a0 3 centimeters but Honeybun\u2019s head was high.\u00a0 The five words I had dreaded and done everything to avoid: \u201cWe need to start pitocin\u201d<\/p>\n 7:00 pm \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 nurse shift change-the novice left and I got a wonderful, caring, patient, experienced nurse<\/p>\n 10:12 pm\u00a0\u00a0 Honeybun was born.\u00a0 I had a \u201cmild\u201d perineal tear which was sewn up<\/p>\n Between 9:00 and Noon, I rested as best I could.<\/p>\n Between 12:00 and 7:00 I rocked in a rocking chair and then tried to rest, knowing I would need my strength and energy.\u00a0 I woke up with excruciatingly debilitating contractions (notice I did not say \u201cpainful\u201d, I never felt pain with my contractions).\u00a0 I also received Stadol (an IV narcotic) during this time.<\/p>\n Sometime between 7:00 and 10:12 I completed dilating and began pushing.<\/p>\n I have no idea when things happened between noon and Honeybun\u2019s entrance into the world (other than the nurse change).\u00a0 These, however, are the things I do know:<\/p>\n My midwife cleared me to go home Saturday morning and the hospital pediatrician cleared Honeybun shortly after.\u00a0 However, the nurse who was caring for us that morning refused to do the paperwork.\u00a0 Honeybun was a sleepy newborn and wasn\u2019t that interested in waking up to nurse.\u00a0 I had been visited by the hospital\u2019s lactation consultant twice during my stay (I asked to see her shortly after delivery) and she was not concerned with things.\u00a0 In fact, the first time she came to see me I was in the middle of feeding Honeybun and she was impressed that we had gotten a good latch since I was a first time mom.<\/p>\n The nurse was concerned that Honeybun was not eating enough.\u00a0 I attempted to wake her every two hours or so to nurse but she wasn\u2019t very interested.\u00a0 Honeybun had a lot of gunk in her lungs and had gagged on it more than once (the first time she actually turned blue and I had to call the nurses in) so she had been frequently suctioned which can cause discomfort in a newborns mouth and throat making feeding uncomfortable.\u00a0 In addition to Honeybun\u2019s lack of interest I think the constant suctioning diminished her appetite.\u00a0 But the nurse refused to let us leave until Honeybun was nursing well, flat out asking me what I was going to do if I got home and she wouldn\u2019t nurse.\u00a0 This woman actually believed that I was so stuck on breastfeeding (based on my requesting no pacifier or formula) that I would let my daughter starve instead of giving her a bottle if she wasn\u2019t nursing well.<\/p>\n I had stood my ground already and knew what I wanted, so why when it came time for the actual birth was I unable to stand up for myself and Honeybun\u2019s life (which I was ultimately responsible for)?\u00a0 I am a naturally non-confrontational person.\u00a0 I avoid arguments and am always trying to lighten the mood and ease tension.\u00a0 I think this was my downfall in Honeybun\u2019s birth: I didn\u2019t want to overstep my grounds.<\/p>\n Our society puts special trust in the \u201call-knowing\u201d knowledge of doctors and we are trained not to doubt them.\u00a0 However, when armed with our own knowledge, why are we not encouraged to stand up for ourselves?<\/p>\n The mark of a successful birth in American obstetrics is that of a \u201chealthy baby and healthy mom\u201d.\u00a0 Honeybun was the healthiest and happiest a baby could possibly be (and continued to be so) and apart from my perineal tear and a few hemorrhoids, I was physically healthy also.\u00a0 However, little emphasis is put on the emotional well-being of the mother.\u00a0 None of my hospital checks (by a midwife I had never met before) included \u201chow do you feel about your birth?\u201d\u00a0 But instead consisted of \u201ctake your pain medication and call the office if you have any concerns\u201d (I still don\u2019t know what the pain medication was supposed to be for, I never had pain and therefore never took any even though I was sent home with a prescription for heavy duty narcotics).<\/p>\n Even at my 6 week postnatal check up I discussed postpartum depression with the midwife who attended Honeybun\u2019s birth but never what some call \u201cbirth trauma\u201d.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t even realize until Honeybun, Hubby and I settled into a nice life pattern how upset I really was by my birth experience.\u00a0 I feel like I made a lot of mistakes in the process by not standing up for myself, demanding the care I desired and declining interventions which I received but did not want.\u00a0 I would have gladly signed a waiver declining induction similar to the one I had signed for the amniocentesis had it been presented.\u00a0 Most importantly though, we should have asked for a new nurse as soon as the novice demanded I lay on my side.\u00a0 I still feel that was the biggest mistake Hubby and I made in Honeybun\u2019s birth.\u00a0 The idea never even came into our heads, though.<\/p>\n I spent 14 months feeling sad about my birth experience and guilty at the same time.\u00a0 I was sad for the forced, violent way my daughter was brought into the world, sad that I had not stood up for myself, yet guilty for feeling sad when I had a perfect, healthy daughter and also guilty for not doing more to save us both the trauma.\u00a0 When Honeybun was 14 months old, Hubby and I hired a babysitter for a night out, the first time we had done so.\u00a0 We went to a nice dinner and then to a play titled \u201cBirth\u201d.\u00a0 This experience single-handedly sent me into my birth obsession.\u00a0 The play portrayed the birth experiences of eight American women.\u00a0 One of the last lines of the play will haunt me forever \u201cBut what about me?\u201d\u00a0 So much emphasis is placed on the healthy baby (that\u2019s all anyone can ask for, right?) that we, as mothers, are made to feel guilty about our feelings on our births.\u00a0 But really, what about ME?\u00a0 What about how I feel, what I wanted, the way I was treated?\u00a0 I knew my baby was fine inside of me (that \u201cfeeling\u201d again) so why was I forced to jeopardize the health of both of us?\u00a0 Why was I not trusted to know what was right for ME and MY baby?<\/p>\n After seeing the play and processing my feelings with Hubby (which I had generally suppressed except for a few random outbursts for 14 months), I began my quest for knowledge, for support and for answers.\u00a0 For probably the first time in my life, I read a 316 page book cover to cover in four days.\u00a0 The book (Pushed\u00a0<\/i>by Jennifer Block) is subtitled \u201cThe Painful Truth about Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care.\u201d\u00a0 The book took me through moments of sadness and anger, but never guilt.\u00a0 I came to realize that I don\u2019t have to feel guilty about the way I feel about my birth experience.\u00a0 There are thousands (maybe even millions) of women around the country who feel just like me.<\/p>\n I was made to feel like a bad mother before I even gave birth because I fought an induction.\u00a0 The \u201chealth\u201d of the baby was at risk and any doctor was willing to tell me so.\u00a0 But no doctor (or midwife for that matter) was willing to tell me that pitocin carried risks too and that labor induction often led to cesarean section.\u00a0 I was made to feel that their outcome of a negative birth (an unhealthy baby) was more important than my standard of a negative birth (medical intervention) and their \u201cknowledge\u201d was far superior to my maternal \u201cfeelings\u201d.<\/p>\n I often wonder how I would have felt if I had fought more, declined medical interventions and labored and birthed the way I wanted and something had gone wrong.\u00a0 I know I would have felt immense guilt and responsibility for the outcome.\u00a0 I would have been going against doctor suggestion (as I had done with the amnio) and would have ultimately had to take responsibility for the consequences.\u00a0 But would I have blamed the doctor, midwife, nurse?\u00a0 No.<\/p>\n Many practitioners do \u201croutine\u201d interventions in order to leave a paper trail, to prove (if needed in court) they did everything they could to provide for a positive outcome.\u00a0 Due to my small for dates fundal height, I had an ultrasound done every week from 37 weeks forward to ensure Honeybun was growing and fluid levels were good.\u00a0 One midwife plainly told me \u201cI know everything is fine, you\u2019re tall, you have a large abdominal cavity and are carrying your baby inside but I have to prove everything is fine.\u201d\u00a0 I understand these concerns and in our sue-happy society everyone has to watch everything they do.\u00a0 Again, I would have gladly signed a waiver declining induction had it been presented.<\/p>\n I also understand medical practitioners carry malpractice insurance and these insurers often dictate practices by limiting what is covered by the insurance.\u00a0 Practitioners in Florida\u2019s Broward (where I live) and Miami-Dade counties find themselves paying upwards of $200,000 a year for malpractice insurance[1]<\/a>.\u00a0 How many births must they attend a year, just to break even?\u00a0 So it makes me wonder, who\u2019s really in control of how women birth?\u00a0 It\u2019s clear that it\u2019s no longer women, but are practitioners really in control or are insurers holding all the cards?\u00a0 And why are people (presumably mostly men) who are not familiar with the process of giving birth being allowed to decide how, when and where millions of women give birth?\u00a0 No wonder so many women are opting for home births if available or risking an unassisted birth if home births are not available: many women feel they have been left with no other choice, the system has failed us.\u00a0 What was created to protect all parties involved is now harming freedom of choice.<\/p>\n Pregnancy and birth are not medical conditions or emergencies.\u00a0 Women were created to birth and our bodies (when allowed to) know how to birth.\u00a0 This notion that modern women can\u2019t hack it is complete nonsense.\u00a0 Women, with enough support and positive portrayals of birth (not the screaming, medicated births as seen on TV) can achieve peaceful births as many women have (even recently).\u00a0 However, few of these births are seen and the ones that are seen are deemed outrageous or even dangerous.\u00a0 How is something that is inherent to human nature and has been happening for thousands of years dangerous?<\/p>\n The response I got from my own mother (and others) when I told her I wanted an unmedicated birth because women have been doing it since the beginning of time: women died back then, babies died back then.\u00a0 But guess what, women and babies still die (and the rates are rising).\u00a0 Women who have a cesarean section are four times more likely to die.\u00a0 And women who are induced could increase their risk of a cesarean section by as much as two times[2]<\/a>.\u00a0 So why take the chance?<\/p>\n Doctors and society as a whole have generally come around to the idea that breast milk is the best source of nutrition for infants.\u00a0 This is based on the fact that breast milk is made especially for each specific baby and contains nutrients and properties which can not be reproduced in a lab.\u00a0 Labor is much the same.\u00a0 The hormones excreted by a woman\u2019s body in labor can not be recreated; they are made for each woman in doses which are optimal for her labor and delivery.<\/p>\n Natural oxytocin not only causes the uterus to contract but also reacts in the brain as a sort-of narcotic which calms and relaxes the body.\u00a0 Artificial oxytocin (pitocin) does not contain the latter part of the hormone.\u00a0 Oxytocin is also produced naturally in amounts that are optimal for the job: enough to progress labor efficiently without overtiring the uterus and stressing the fetus.\u00a0 When pitocin is administered, the body does not make its own oxytocin because it believes it is already receiving the hormone.\u00a0 Therefore, doctor administered pitocin not only enhances and speeds up contractions, often to an unnatural dangerous pace which can (and often does) cause fetal distress, it lacks the calming properties which are natural to labor.<\/p>\n Why would I knowingly choose to have an artificial substances pumped directly into my bloodstream which can cause fetal distress if I\u2019m not even going to get the soothing aspects too?\u00a0 These are consequences of pitocin induction and augmentation which are very rarely discussed with women who receive the medication.\u00a0 Pitocin is generally gradually increased until the doctor deems the contraction pattern and strength to be \u201csufficient\u201d.\u00a0 At my last prenatal appointment I asked if the pitocin could be turned off or turned down once labor was established and I was told no because generally once the pitocin is stopped, labor stops.\u00a0 Does that not mean that my baby is then not ready to be born?<\/p>\n While there are not definitive answers as to what causes labor, recent studies have shown that a fetus excretes a protein from the lungs which triggers labor to begin.\u00a0 This protein is found in surfactant which is essential to successful breathing[3]<\/a>.\u00a0 Newborn babies lacking surfactant can suffer from respiratory distress and collapsed lungs[4]<\/a>.\u00a0 So one could conclude that inducing labor (in the absence of other medical conditions or emergencies) is dangerous to the unborn fetus who has not yet signaled that they are ready to survive outside the mother\u2019s womb.<\/p>\n Hospitals all over the country have banned VBACs, vaginal breech delivery and vaginal twin deliveries and finding a doctor that is willing to attend these births becomes trickier every day.\u00a0 However, there is plenty of research out there to show that a vaginal birth (in the absence of other risk factors) is safer than surgery in all of these cases.\u00a0 Women are being forced into major surgery for no medical reason and women who resist or refuse are ridiculed, demonized and in some situations even criminalized.<\/p>\n Women who feel like there are no other options and opt for an unassisted birth or home birth with unrecognized midwife can face scrutiny not only from family, friends and society but are also often visited by social services and sometimes legal authorities.<\/p>\n A woman has the right to have an abortion but a woman\u2019s right to deliver her children in the way she chooses is at stake.\u00a0 I can choose if and when to end my fetus\u2019s life but I can not choose when and where to start it.\u00a0 There are many organizations out there supporting \u201cwomen\u2019s right to choose\u201d in the context of abortion but no one fighting for women\u2019s right to choose in the context of labor and birth.<\/p>\n In the 1970s women took a stand and demanded change: they wanted their husbands present, they wanted to be awake and aware, and they wanted to have their babies with them after birth.\u00a0 I believe that the unconscious births of the 1950s, instead of being rethought to better suits mothers and what they want, have simply been reformatted without giving mothers any more authority in the process.\u00a0 Women are now awake and have their support teams with them but the choices in how they labor and give birth are still not theirs.\u00a0 Instead of being knocked out cold, they\u2019re awake but still strapped to a bed.\u00a0 Instead of babies being forced out of a mother\u2019s body by forceps and fundal pressure, babies are being forced out by pitocin and commands to \u201cPUSH, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, AGAIN!\u201d<\/p>\n I believe it is time again to take a stand and demand that we get the care we deserve.\u00a0 We, as mothers and women, need to take back our bodies and our freedom to choose and demand that we be given an opinion in the care of ourselves and our children.\u00a0 I can refuse immunizations for my child, why can I not refuse medical interventions that harm both me and my child?\u00a0 No one woman can make a change alone, but together we can get back what should have been ours all along: the birth process.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n\n
![\"DSC00117\"](\"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/DSC00117.jpg\")
<\/a>The hospital policy stated that mothers and babies were never to be separated except in rare medical cases.\u00a0 However, that day there were women laboring in the hall and therefore not enough staff.\u00a0 Hubby escorted Honeybun up to the nursery while I had some soup and went to the bathroom (I had to pee before they would move me to a recovery room, to make sure everything was working right).\u00a0 Hubby came back down to help me with our bags and Honeybun met us in the recovery room where Hubby and I called our parents and we enjoyed the precious new addition to our family.<\/p>\n