Any know-it-all mommy will tell you:\u00a0 Never engage your children in a power struggle.<\/p>\n
Any mommy who actually has children will tell you:\u00a0 It happens.<\/p>\n
For those of you who may not know, a power struggle is when one person wants something done, the either person doesn\u2019t want to do it and neither of you are willing to back down or change your mind.\u00a0 Power struggles can occur with your children, with your significant other, with your parent, even with the flight attendant who refuses to let you install your infant carrier rear-facing on the airplane or pretty much anyone else you talk to in life.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s how power struggles usually go in my life:<\/p>\n
\u201cHoneybun, go potty.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHoneybun, go potty please.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I don\u2019t want to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou need to go potty before your nap.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo!\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not a choice.\u201d\u00a0 (this is the \u201cShut it Down!\u201d moment)<\/p>\n
At this point, one of three things will happen: 1) the shutdown works and the child concedes, 2) you give in (maybe not right away, though) 3) you\u2019re in a power struggle.\u00a0 Many things can occur during a full-on power struggle including yelling, crying, screaming, throwing things, hitting, etc. etc.<\/p>\n
In the example above, the struggle can go on for quite a long time but I do not believe in option #2.\u00a0 If I say so, I expect it to happen.\u00a0 If time allows, I wait.\u00a0 I simply tell my children \u201cI\u2019ll wait.\u00a0 I have nowhere to go.\u201d\u00a0 Then I usually cross my arms and lean on the wall. If the struggle persists I\u2019ll take a comfortable spot on the floor or nearby chair.\u00a0 If the struggle continues I\u2019ll grab a nearby book (usually only a children\u2019s book is handy) and read.\u00a0 And I wait and ignore all fussing, whining, and demanding. Sometimes I\u2019ll repeat my request but I will not engage in conversation and sometimes I have to wait a really long time but when I say I\u2019m going to wait, I really mean it.<\/p>\n
When I don\u2019t have the time or patience to wait I\u2019ll usually help my daughters complete the task I\u2019ve asked them to do but I don\u2019t do it for them or make it fun for them.\u00a0 If it\u2019s a potty struggle (as most of mine tend to be) I will walk them into the bathroom, help them with their pants and place them on the toilet.\u00a0 If it\u2019s a request to clean something up and they refuse, I will stand behind them holding their hands and help them pick up requested item and walk with them holding the item together to where it needs to go (I always hold gently in case they fall or go limp.\u00a0 Children in the 1-3 age range have very flexible shoulders and I\u2019ve heard of shoulders coming out of place when children this age are lifted by their arm(s).)<\/p>\n
On occasion I will end the struggle by negotiating, but I never go with option #2 above.\u00a0 For instance, if Sugarplum\u00a0wants a goldfish snack and I say no because it\u2019s almost time to make dinner and she refuses to give it up I will end the struggle by saying \u201cok, how about you come help me make dinner.\u00a0 I am making peppers so you can have a little bit while we cook.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s not giving in to what the child wants or changing your min but ends the power struggle.\u00a0 Most people caution against power struggles for the fact that it can teach children to act inappropriately to get what they want but this kind of response is not giving in so the child won\u2019t learn their behavior gets what them what they want.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Any know-it-all mommy will tell you:\u00a0 Never engage your children in a power struggle. Any mommy who actually has children will tell you:\u00a0 It happens. For those of you who may not know, a power struggle is when one person wants something done, the either person doesn\u2019t want to do it and neither of you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,284],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1097","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-life","category-the-home-school-zone"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1097","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1097"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1097\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10046,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1097\/revisions\/10046"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1097"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1097"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beyondmommying.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1097"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}