When Doing Something for Yourself Doesn’t Work Out

I did something out of character this weekend: I went shopping. For myself.

My sister, who we haven’t seen since her wedding last March, is in town for a short visit and we decided this weekend to head to the big outlet mall while she visited. And unlike our usual shopping trips, we didn’t just go to get hubby things and I wasn’t just browsing for the kids. I was actively shopping for myself because I need things.

My every day wardrobe consists of things from before I was a mommy, pieces from college and even high school!

And many of those pieces aren’t really fitting anymore. The weight gain of four pregnancies has brought most of my stretchy pieces to their limits. And the weight loss of over 7 years of breastfeeding has made pretty much every bottom I own unwearable.

Plus time has not been nice to many of my lovelies and many of my go-to pieces are just plain falling apart. They’ve got rips and holes, shredded hems and are worn thin in spots. They’ve been well-loved and while I’d love nothing more than to just keep wearing them, reality is it’s time to replace some pieces.

I used to love shopping, it was one of my favorite past times most of my life. And for a short time leading up to this weekend, that excitement returned!

I arranged to leave two of the kids home with my dad and gathered up all the best shoppers in my life: my sister, my mom, my aunt and, of course, hubby (who has stayed an avid shopper as my drive has dwindled).  I went to the huge mall with big hopes and dreams for all the goodies I’d return home with. I strutted into all the usual stores where I have always found clothes I loved, ready to slap my credit card down on the counter!

Except I came home empty-handed. Nada thing for me, only a few things for the kids (which they genuinely needed). And while I usually shrug it all off, it was really disappointing this time. I couldn’t find the very basic things I needed.

Gym shorts. I have some awesome elastic-waist, basic jersey shorts that I wear for bed. I don’t want a drawstring. I don’t want them to be athletic fabric or too thin. I don’t want them to look athletic-y (with the high-cut sides and underlayers) but I also don’t want them to look like pajamas (because I often find myself chasing a rogue kid around outside when a bigger kid leaves the doors open). I’m sure it seems like a tall order, except I have a bunch of pairs so it shouldn’t be so hard to find!

Jeans. This winter I busted through the knees of two pairs of jeans that (kind of) fit, leaving me with one pair of jeans that fits. All my other pre-baby jeans are many sizes too big and even some of the jeans that I’ve gotten since having kids are at least one size too big.

The mall left me empty-handed as did Target and H&M today. I don’t want skinny jeans and I don’t want to pay extra for jeans with holes in them (that’s why I’m getting new ones!)

And this is why I don’t enjoy shopping for myself anymore. I don’t want to hunt through racks and rows of stuff. I don’t want to settle spend money on something I don’t really like. I really just want what I already have but in new, wearable condition.

It’s just one more mark in the “don’t bother doing stuff for myself” category despite everyone constantly saying how important doing things for ourselves is.

So tell me, how do you handle shopping for yourself? Love it or hate it?