I’ve had a lot of tribulations in my mommying life, but have been very lucky to have not had many big problems, crises or struggles. I usually try to take things in stride and not get stressed out (but it happens more than I like.)
But I have had one parenting struggle that makes the rest seem like small potatoes. One thing that pushes me to the brink of frustration and tears regularly.
I’ve naturally birthed three children. I’ve dealt with placenta previa and the possibility that my world could some crashing down at any second with a bleed. I’ve breastfed for what feels like a billion years, even through cracked and bleeding nipples. I’ve dealt with an inconsolable, constantly screaming infant. I’ve struggled with a snappy kindergartner who has to have an argument or comeback for everything.
But none of it has brought me as much frustration and distress as what I am dealing with now. And what I consider the hardest thing I’ve had to do as a mommy might surprise you: feeding my son.
My girls are easy, they will usually eat most anything I give them (unless it’s spicy), I’ve never dealt with picky eaters. By 18 months they were eating the same things as hubby and me. I’ve never made special meals for them with the exception of when they’re seriously sick and they don’t make special requests.
But Doodle is a whole new ballgame for me. His inability to have milk or corn has created more than just an inconvenience in life. Usually I can prepare meals that he can have when I cook from scratch. And I try to keep an arsenal of frozen bite-size vegetables and meat that I can cook up for him in a hurry. Breakfast is easy, he usually has fresh fruit followed by a little cereal. And since I make dinner most nights, I can make it for him to enjoy also.
But going out is a struggle, I can’t trust many foods (which we learned the hard way) so I have to bring him whatever I have handy which is usually leftovers or snack type items like granola bars, fruit snacks or dried fruit. But then he wants to eat as soon as we sit down and he usually finishes ages ahead of the rest of us or wants more when there is no more and he doesn’t always understand why he can’t have what the rest of us are having.
And lunch is definitely the hardest part of my day. I try to keep leftovers available for him but sometimes I run out. And he can’t have what the girls and I usually have. He can’t have sandwiches or frozen meals or most soups. We don’t eat a lot of traditional processed foods, but I do like the convenience of the better (aka less crappy ingredients) heat and serve options. And then I run into days like today when I’m out of leftovers AND my frozen stock is diminished AND I have no soups or other quick-prep items he can have.
And I’m left stuck. Wandering from the fridge to the pantry to the garage freezer and back again. In circles, racking my brain, trying to come up with something, ANYTHING to give him other than a granola bar that doesn’t take a ton of prep work or time. And with each circle of my choices I get more frustrated. And then overwhelmed. And then I break down.
So frustrated that my sweet boy who would gladly eat anything I give him, can’t have so many things. Overwhelmed by the limitations of his diet. And frankly, broken down by all of it.
I can’t just tell people “he’s allergic to milk” and have them double check, that would be easy. The dairy is not really the hard part, it’s pretty easy to spot milk and cheese products and with the new allergy labeling requirements, it’s easy to spot on food labels.
But the corn. The corn is everywhere. Pick up 5 things in your pantry, how many contain corn syrup, corn starch, corn meal, corn oil or the like? Some items I’ve been able to find made without corn (like honey roasted peanut butter versus traditional) but it takes time to read the labels. A grocery shop that used to be a quick in and out, follow the list, fill the basket can now take hours as I painstakingly read the labels, trying to ensure what I buy is okay.
Sometimes it seems so silly and the solution seems easy: Buy fresh, buy high quality, buy less processed products. And I do all these things. And I try to mostly buy things he can have. But there are 4 other people in this house I have to feed too and I don’t have all day to just sit around planning and making meals for my family (though I admire people who do).
I guess it just comes down to this: we all have our own struggles. We all have our own things that cause us parenting distress. Mine may seem silly to you (and truthfully, it’s silly to me even sometimes) but your struggles and stressors will never be discounted by me! I’ve been through a lot, and I know I’ll have to go through more on my parenting journey but my struggles will never be yours and I respect every parent for all they do for their children, every second of their day!
I feel your pain! Then when you find something they can have they don’t like it! We’ve stopped going out to eat because there is just way too much he can’t eat.
It is so overwhelming! I honestly think, though, it’s easier when it’s your first because you haven’t formed habits yet. Part of my struggle is being so set in our way and how easy it was with the girls and them still wanting all the things he can’t have.
I TOTALLY get this! When my daughter was between 5 and 6, she was a vegetarian who could not have dairy, egg, soy, nuts, or wheat, in varying combinations as we made our way through an elimination diet for eosinophilic esophagitis. If she’d failed the first trial, with all those things out of her diet, the doctor was going to remove corn next, and just imagining it made me panic. Corn is indeed EVERYWHERE.
One thing you might want to look into is Chao vegan “cheese.” I believe it is free of corn, and I know it’s free of dairy. You could maybe offer your son pieces of that with some corn-free sliced turkey and fruit, and it would be easy to keep it in a cooler in larger quantity for restaurants. Maybe? Worth a shot!
Corn was by far the hardest part as it’s not listed under the allergy information on labels. Great suggestions I will look in to, luckily we have found he does fine with goat’s milk so we are able to do cheese and yogurt that way and get him some dairy nutrients and make him not feel so restricted!