A recent report showed the rate of stay-at-home mommies is increasing and it is no surprise to me. I am very fortunate that our family is able to allow me to be a Stay-at-home mommy of my three little ones but it’s not all by choice. I know circumstances are different for every family and what is important to one family is not to others but these are the factors that have led our family to decide it’s best for me to stay at home with our children:
1) Even though I have a master’s degree, because my background is in education (dance and early childhood) my income potential is barely enough to cover the cost of childcare for my children making getting a job not worth the stress it would place on my family (my analysis of income to childcare can be read at “Cost of Care”)
2) I’m an avid breastfeeder. I have chosen to never give my children formula and so this makes the prospect of being away from my babies questionable since pumping and bottle feeding is not always successful (though I know many mommies who have done so successfully!) and I am not willing to possibly sacrifice my goals or take on the unnecessary stress .
3) I want to raise my children. As an early childhood professional, I know the importance of the early years and I want to be the one caring for them, loving on them, guiding their learning and influencing their moral and social development and this was one of the factors that led to our decision to homeschool (even if we some day return to traditional schooling, that will most likely not include preschool because I believe good parenting is much more important than pre-school)
4) I can’t get a job. Yep, I fall in that category of mommies who can’t find a job. I was teaching ballet classes a few hours a week and was fortunate that most of that time was outside of hubby’s work hours so we didn’t have to worry about childcare but it certainly wasn’t enough to make a financial difference and every early childhood job I’ve applied or interviewed for in the past two years has resulted in no job or a position which I am over-qualified or would be underpaid for (see #1!)
5) I don’t want to spend all our weekend and evening family time doing chores. I appreciate that I can do the dishes, laundry, grocery shopping and other household chores during the day so that we can spend time being together doing fun things as a family when hubby is home.
6) I want my children to be able to do activities without it straining our family. By being at home, I can decide when, where and how often my children get to do extracurricular activities and playdates. If I had a work schedule like my husband’s, my choices would be much more limited and it would take away from our family together time. We wouldn’t be able to have weekend adventures or daily family dinners because of the social and activity schedules.
7) I don’t want to miss any of the firsts. I want to be the one to wrap my children in a big hug and exclaim “you did it!” for every first they have. It’s called a first for a reason, if you miss it, it’s gone and you can never get it back again!
8) I want to be involved in their lives outside of the home. I want to know the parents of the children they play with. I want to be able to volunteer, help out and be involved with their programs, activities and special events.
9) I want my children to be my main priority. I don’t want them to miss out on impromptu opportunities or have to miss things they are doing at school. I don’t want doctor’s appointments and illnesses to be a burden. I just want to be able to be there for them whenever they need me.
10) I like my children and spending time with them. Do I sometimes want to run away to an icy castle on top of a mountain sometimes? Sure! But most of the time when I feel that way I want to take at least one of my children with me. I chose to be a mommy and I love my mommy job. I would not give up my days with my children for any job outside the home right now because children grow way too fast and I don’t want to miss a second of it!
Stay-at-home, working or working-from-home, mommying is hard and often a mommy’s worth is not plainly evident but there is no job more important than raising a child (or two or three!) and all it takes to make a big difference is a little love and support for one another no matter which path we choose or end up on.
My mother warns me that I’ll want to take time off from my career to do what you’re doing. I’m sure she’s right, but in the DC area, it’s impossible to afford the high cost of living on one income (and each of us makes great money). It’s very sad.
It’s a sad reality in America, unfortunately but just know whatever decision you and your family makes, it will be great. I went back to work when Honeybun was 6 weeks old and worked 4 different jobs through her first year. It wasn’t easy by any means, but I don’t regret it at all. It is what worked for our family at the time and we all came out the other end just fine! There are benefits and costs to every situation and know that you can always change your mind and hopefully change your circumstances later if you want.