Doodle has come fully in the separation anxiety phase. While most of his anxiety surrounds my absence, he’s usually ok if others are around. He will panic if everyone leaves him but is happy even if just one of his sisters is with him. The sticky point though is that he will flip out if he sees me leave, no matter who else is around.
If he sees me leave for work, he screams. If he sees me leave the room, he screams. If he sees me on the other side of a closed baby gate, he screams. He often calms down pretty quickly if someone engages him in something else and if I can get out without him seeing me leave (I always give him kisses before I go), he does much better.
I hate hearing him screaming when I leave, even when I know he’s in good hands. Neither of my girls had it so bad so even though I know it’s just the normal separation anxiety, it’s still heart wrenching. Honeybun started at the childcare center with me when she was 6 weeks old and I left her a few hours a week pretty much from the start so she was very used to other people caring for her and though she showed some separation anxiety, it was never extreme. Sugarplum has always been great with other people and though she spent the majority of her time with me as a baby, she was always ok going with others and much like Honeybun didn’t have extreme anxiety.
Some people believe it’s important to let children know when you’re leaving to help with the security of the attachment and while I always do this with the girls, now that Doodle understands “bye-bye” if I say it, he watches for me to go and then loses it when he sees me go out the door. I’ve found if I just give him a kiss on the head wherever he is and leave when he’s not looking, it reduces the chances of mass hysteria.
But Doodle also has the other part of it: extreme elation when I return. He screeches in delight, flaps his hands, laughs, reaches out to me and sometimes crawls to me. He gets excited when I get home from work. He gets excited when I get him up from naps. He gets excited when I come out of the bathroom.
While the screaming when I leave is hard I can justify it, but the coming back is sometimes the hardest part because ever since Doodle was tiny and new, he’s told me “hello” by nursing. Most of the time it’s not a problem (though sometimes when I get home from work I have to text hubby from the garage to ask him take Doodle to another room so I can slip into the bathroom before he sees me!) What is irritating, though, is when he wants to nurse-hello when I wasn’t really gone like when I come back from the bathroom, when I come back from getting the mail, even when I get out of the shower when he’s been sitting in his saucer right outside the shower talking to me!
I know separation anxiety is a normal part of attachment building and I know he’s showing the signs of a secure attachment and I know it’s just a phase that we should eventually come out of but that doesn’t mean it’s easy right now. I’m definitely looking forward to the days when I can give him kisses and bye-byes and he waves and I go, everyone happy!
I know exactly what you are going through. My son started seperation anxiety way early at around 5 months. It was so difficult and made me feel terrible. He is now almost 21 months and is much better. He doesn’t like when I leave, but he is usually so busy playing that he doesn’t mind. I’m glad Doodle shows such excitement when you come back. That’s so sweet! Visiting from BloggyMoms April Hop. Stop by my blog for a visit. :)
We’ve been having trouble for months as well (since about 6 months) but it’s gotten really bad recently. I’m just glad eventually they do get past it!